Well there are loads of things that run thru my head............ Scared of what future holds for me ... i am excited but a lil scared i dont know what am i suppose to look out for, its like rite now i am flying aimlessly. How do i know wat is rite or wrong for me how do i read the signs??
But before all that i dont know if i have completely shut off my past and how do u do that? or how do i know i have moved on? See i told u i have loads of questions ........... Am i still hoping my past to come back to me? Is this all normal (i think it is or so i m told) I wanna learn from my past relationship but i dont know what to learn out of it.............
One thing that i came across was my life could have been far worse, a break up is nothing atleast it wasnt as bad as someone dying, imagine someone gone and will never ever watsoever come back ...... when i mentioned this to my friend she confirmed that i was still expecting my ex back in my life, but thats not true, even if he does come (knowing him it will never happen) i would never be able to trust him as i did............. i will always have the fear or the insecurity that he has done it once he can always do it again.
What i dont get is how can love change? what makes it change as far i know a mothers love never changes so y does a lovers love change is it because they dont have a blood relationship ..... but then if they have blood relations then they become brother and sister (ok i agree i dont make sense anymore)
I am going on this long trip to Hamburg from there to JFK and i am hoping by the time i get back i will be a changed person or atleast know what i want, i hate this feeling of being aimless (and not having a mission) .............. I have already decided that i will not pursue my Bach. since that was never what i wanted to do. I am gonna work my way to CIDESCO i feel that will keep me happy and isnt that what people usually say "As long as it keeps you happy"
My family has always been very supportive and they suprise me all the time, i used to date a Hindu guy and they supported me i am sure they always knew she will come back but its strange, even when i told them its over they were like we always knew but then why was i not aware of it?
They impressed me so much that i have made up my mind ....... a decision which i will stick to, i am gonna give myself 2 more yrs with this airlines and by then i should have done something that i will be in control of. The comming two years will be all abt my career and reaching the vision i see myself in, and then i think i will do as family says marry who my folks think rite (i know its not very me) but it looks like they know exactly who i should be with, i have tried it on my own havent been quiet successful. :) I think it it cant get all that bad what more worse can happen to me i think i can be a relationship Guru....... lolzzzzzz
I am suprised by how i started off and where i reached ......... i was just randomly blabbering and i actually got my answers too ....... I love bloggin i think i should do this more often. I like the fact that i can write my inner most fear and know no one is gonna ever know who it belongs to (except one person, but i dont even expect him to read it)
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